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|Friday, December 12th, 2008|
We'll die alone, with broken collarbones and bleeding hands, twisting us into an even more disfigured wincing mess than we were the week before. But fuck it. We take it one breath at a time. Sam screamed it best every night: "Moments will make us." So let's take the ride.
Let's just go outside and break bottles, reveling in that beautiful snap of glass shattering all around us. Dancing around in a rainstorm of shiny crystals flying through the air, cutting shins and feet and fingers and arms. Singing "fuck love" and "fuck life" at the top of our lungs, letting the bitterness drive us home, or wherever it wants to take us.
We're all stuffed into the backseat, reckless and thinking we have any say in where we're headed. But in the end, do we really give a fuck? For the wolves inside all of us, it's the trip and not the destination. Screaming at pedestrians, showing our teeth to the wind, clawing at the upholstery and finding love notes and loose change. Wherever we stop, it's too soon and it's not where we wanted to be, but it'll do for now.
We crawl out of those cars alone every night. Even if we're not, we are. Looking into oblivion and trying to hold onto whatever keeps the cold and rational thoughts away. We just want kisses from nuns or witches that will heal our bones and make us strong, full of hell and humming devilish songs. We just want someone else to make us feel all of the things we can't feel alone.
Sunrise comes, heaven opening up it's little wrists for us to suckle and be reborn every morning. Peeling our eyelids apart in a makeshift bed, all our worldly possessions strewn around the room, music in the air swirling to an epic and pulse-ending cacophony. All of our friends, in their own little worlds, united in looking to the sun, smiling, and welcoming the hell to come.
Another day with our suitcases on the side of the road. Clothes melting in the rain. Tears washed away before they reach the cheek. Sly smiles from ear to ear. One last kiss that ends just as our lips brush each other. It never last long enough anyway. We put our thumbs in the air, our ride will be here soon.
Anywhere but Florida.
|Saturday, September 6th, 2008|
|this thing is kind of dated huh
settling in a little bit.
lonely but productive.
still living out of a suitcase.
no more tour until spring.
i hope i don't freak out.
official member now.
7 songs done and demoed.
i like them.
9 or so to go.
recording in november/december.
then i can see all my friends again.
no matter where you are.
i'm coming over.
bradley matthew clifford
|Thursday, May 1st, 2008|
I'm in Florida right now, 2 days of practice before we go to Costa Rica for one show, then 1 day off, then drive to Canada for another tour.
Life is kind of weird. Homeless, trapped in limbo pretty much everywhere I go. I have a band in Florida, a girlfriend in Sweden, a storage space in Milwaukee, and a handful of sincerely amazing friends scattered about. Spread thin to say the least.
I guess I'm doing what I'm doing because I don't know any better. I've made a pretty devout habit of following my heart very bravely into whatever potentially fucked situation I feel drawn. It's led me here... and most days I'm happy.
Age, direction, stability, and future are tugging at my heels, but I'll ignore it. I'll just be in love every way I can, no matter how far-fetched or unstable.
I hope this doesn't end tragically.
|Sunday, February 24th, 2008|
last day before europe. this past US tour was really fun and a lot more bro than many previous ones have been. back so single-room at hotel full-band slumber parties, staying up late as fuck and not sleeping very much, hanging out with tons of friends with far too little time to catch up and make it feel like a real hangout, good times. tomorrow we fly out to amsterdam for 6 weeks of non-american action. my credit card balance is at $0, i'm overfed and underslept, i'm homeless, and i can't complain about anything.
|Wednesday, December 19th, 2007|
|always a journey
milwaukee got weird. i guess i'd been out of the loop for 6 months and things evolved in that time more than i expected. it's definitely not how i left it. friendships are skewed, some people don't live here anymore, and most of those who do are occupied elsewhere or uninterested. maybe i've just been gone too long and people are used to that, so i'm just not a part of what's going on. either way, i think it's time to go. today i got a storage space, and i'm just going to put everything in it. i have 4 more days left in Milwaukee, and that time will be mostly spent putting everything into storage. i fly out january 6th and will be gone for at least 4 months... and after that i'll just bounce around wherever it's necessary between Miami, NY, and Chicago. where i lay my head is home.
can't wait to get back to warm weather and shows and seeing people that i miss. and playing poland with black metal bands.
|Saturday, June 2nd, 2007|
|oh remember these things
i haven't written here in a really long time, and i'm not exactly sure why i am now.
what's new... i'm gone a lot. everyone who wants to hang out with me should tell me and then i'll reply with when i will be your city. because it's inevitable i'll be in your city. i leave again in 6 days... and in the next 5 months, i have 11 days at home. it will be great.
it's noon and i just woke up.
|Wednesday, December 27th, 2006|
i don't leave the apartment very much anymore.
|Monday, October 9th, 2006|
the Departed was awesome.
the Science of Sleep was awesome in entirely different ways.
the new Converge record is really good, and i was skeptical going into it.
these are all things everyone else is saying anyway.
my friends are being wierd lately. lots of doing dismissive things and then when i call them out on it, they blow it/me off. blah. some are nice though. all in all, it's fucking confusing.
my birthday is thursday. come to landmark if you live in milwaukee.
i can't say anything else nice right now so i might as well not say anything at all.
|Saturday, September 30th, 2006|
Today is a boring Saturday. I think lately I've been stuck between missing a lot of things, and wanting intensely to get to move to the future. The next level. Something. New times are coming, I can feel it. Maybe I just have to take leaps. But in the meantime.
My birthday is October 12th. Here are some things you can get me:
- mascot costumes:vampirehammerheadhornetdesert scorpion
- Anne Hathaway
- a pile of money to swim in, not necessarily to spend
- a nine million dollar condo in nyc.
Clearly I'm a realist.
NYC and Minneapolis, I want to visit you soon. So hang out.
I got my design site up a while ago, but I don't think I told livejournal about it. the infamy
|Monday, September 18th, 2006|
I'm not even selling, but someone should just buy this
because it's fucking sweet. Free coitus for life.
|Friday, August 25th, 2006|
|the new schedule
the new schedule
- wake up at 11-Noon
- design until 3:30
- work 4-9, eat the one meal of the day, which is free/abundant/hilarious
- design 9-11
- go out 11-2
- design 2-6am
the new life:
- no girlfriend
- i want to find a new place to live pretty soon
- design insanity, doing a .com this weekend for it
- i like guitars more than ever
- creativity with deadlines is all around me
- lots of movies
|Wednesday, July 12th, 2006|
This tour has been one of the strangest of my life. Shitty shows, us wondering why the fuck we're doing this, and then coming to terms with it and having fun the best we can. We laugh at ourselves and our surroundings because we realize that anything else would just be counter-productive and suicidal. The stories have been absurd. A vulture smashing our windshield to fucking smithereens, crashing a party that ultimately consisted entirely of characters from Disneyland, befriending L. Ron Hubbard's grandson and supposed reincarnate. Seeing Shaq outside a hotel, wearing a shitty hat. Jumping off huge cliffs into a watery cove, and all 12 of us toeing the line with rattlesnakes and death as we hike out of a canyon. I'm actually surprised no one got hurt, and not surprised with the notion that none of us ever really questioned the danger of what we were doing. Head down, feet forward. Have cool, will follow.
The companionship is what excites me most. The teamwork it takes to make worthwhile things happen. Helping each other because that's what will make it fun for everyone. Going to cities and hanging out with friends who you just want to hug and say "it's so good to see you" in every moment of silence, even if it wouldn't fly. When the 6 of us in the van together really connect on levels beyond friendship.
Yeah, it comes at a price. We're fucking broke, and turn away from chances to make money the classic way. We miss our girlfriends and friends and city. We can't function as normal lovers, family members, or human beings.
It's the highs and lows. It's when someone's having a quiet day and you wonder if they want to throw in the towel. It's when you talk about a future you weren't even sure was an option. I've grown from this. I've developed this new sense of allowing myself to just go with it, whatever happens. We will traverse it all for as long as we can. Not really for fame, not really for money, but because most of what's available in the world is not ours, and we want to rise above it. Because that's fun. Because it will allow us to keep going. Because as long as we have that excuse behind us, we can never be wrong.
Head down, feet forward.
Have cool, will follow.
|Wednesday, June 21st, 2006|
I don't have an iPod video, but I'm sure they're revolutionizing the possible venues for masturbation.
When you wake up to a woman's voice whispering the word "today," but there is no woman in your room, only in your head, that makes you kind of nervous the entire day. You're glad when midnight comes and goes. You also think that whispering can be very creepy.
When you have those moments where you think "I want to buy something, but I can't think of anything I want," there's a beauty in that. Then you think "Fuck that, I want burritos."
I have little to no interest in shoes with laces. Tying shoes is for 3rd graders. Just like cursive handwriting and geometry. Both of which I've pretty much learned and subsequently eliminated from my life. Swear to god, ask me to write anything in cursive other than my first and last name, and you're gonna be waiting around for a while.
Coffee tastes like shit.
I can't believe I didn't fully appreciate Black Sabbath until i was like 20. What a dick.
|Friday, June 16th, 2006|
milwaukee loves to get drunk. i guess basically every city in the world is the same in that respect. take notice of the hilarity that it brings, ride your bike around at bar time and watch the fun unravel.
1:30am - fucking ghost town. maybe a few stragglers, mostly those who couldn't hack staying until bar time and got unmanageably wasted before the whistle blew. a few definite gems in this bunch.
- the girl who was crying and puking in someone's bushes while two friends hold a handful of her hair back and try to calm the dizzy nerves.
- designated drivers over it and waiting outside
- one or two wobbly people moving very slowly towards nowhere
- hot dog vendors preparing up for the rush, bouncers gearing up for crowd control
1:55am - fucking pandemonium. literally a thousand people on the street being loud as hell, lingering as long as possible, and crowning off a good night.
- guys sitting down talking on their cellphones arguing their way out of whatever they did wrong that night, probably being seen dancing with the wrong girl, or drunk dials that will be realized as a terrible idea come morning
- 6 jocks dancing together, poorly, to no music. girls standing a healthy distance away from it
- random dude who is off trying to climb a streetlamp or sign or building, making it look like a much more complicated thing than any 4th grader at recess knows it needs to be
- girls crying and screaming at guys who didn't pay enough attention to them that night, guys mostly just standing with their arms in "oh come on" motion. you know the one.
- guys trying to slurringly smooth-talk the ladies into continuing the party in their bedroom, the girls trying to keep it together long enough to be conscious for that
- smooth guy and smooth girl who are being coy and close, ignoring everything around them, fully aware of where this is going, and loving it
- awesome ragers determined on keeping the party going at all costs, bar or no bar, street or no street
- guys without shirts
- dudes who want to punch anything that catches their eye
- fast jeeps blaring music made by white people
- the 4 champions who seriously had a couch, complete with lamp and end table, rigged with a motor and wheels, driving down the sidewalk, basking in the glow of everyone being forced to acknowledge how totally fucking awesome a mobile couch is
oh i wish i had pictures. seriously an amazing spectacle when you're just kind of watching and not involved.
|Wednesday, June 14th, 2006|
|on the pros and cons of speaking.
A Way With Words
i've tasted your heart. i've danced my tongue around the inside of your being and written history for the both of us. that is my gift. i've lapped the bitterness from your core and gotten to the beating, pulsating layer of something deeper.
we come alive with poetry. the romanticism of expressing things in ways that could never truly be. everything what we want to hear, nothing we don't know better than to believe.
the purists are the ones to truly hold dear. the few who expect each breath to live up to it's fullest potential. words released from behind their lips like attire hand-stitched and perfect for this occasion. gliding through the air, drifting through time and space to be absorbed by ears and processed with pinpoint accuracy. they are the ones who communicate rather than speak. who know the value of wasted breath. who are most devilishly aware of the powers that they can abuse.
every syllable a seduction that i never knew existed.
Away With Words
it's the moments of silence that hold us captive. entranced by locked eyes, welling up with the emotion and passion that is spilling out from behind them. no articulation of the tongue could ever surpass. could ever even come close.
it's the moments that are more than just comfortable silence. more than just a pause between sentences. time so pregnant with more meaning than linguists and philosophers could evoke from any passage. the arithmetic that crosses international waters without explanation. lingering in the streets, the bedrooms, the skies.
it's the moments of blacked out senses, when all we have is our touch, our heat, our existence at its core. reaching out to show each other how deep the rivers of love and hate really flow. surpassing creation. high above anything that man could ever assign phrase to express. divine.
|no words are worthwhile.
every time i watch a steve martin movie i just think of my dad the whole time.
i like steve martin.
i've been doing a lot of design lately and working at my actual job very little. i leave for tour again in a week. i still don't know what i want to do with my life other than things that will certainly not last forever.
kayleigh and i worked it out because that's what people do. i guess the difference is that it appears to be working. people are allowed small freakouts about their future in which they more or less hold out their arms, spin in a circle, and destroy everything around them. now on to the reparations. they're going well.
i'm excited for 4th of July in AZ with Team Big Fun.
I'm excited for a $2000 head I ordered but don't get for 4 months. Eh.
I'm excited for design work.
I'm excited to see friends that I miss.
I'm excited to make new friends.
|Sunday, May 14th, 2006|
|spring is killing everything.
and the girl is moving in with my close friend. extra sweet.
i've been designing a lot lately. examples to follow soon, hopefully on a .com that i'm having trouble deciding a name for.
i ate for sport today, and 7 hours later i still kind of want to throw up.
i'm leaving for a little while. it couldn't come sooner. come hang out if you live in a wierd small town.
w/ Underoath, Poison the Well, As Cities Burn
May 18th - Fayetville, AR @ The Music Hall
May 19th - Tulsa, OK @ Cain's Ballroom
May 20th - Springfield, MO @ The Oasis
May 21st - Wichita, KS @ The Cotillion Ballroom
May 22nd - Omaha, NE @ Sokol Auditorium
May 23rd - Des Moines, IA @ Val Air Ballroom
May 24th - Green Bay, WI @ Riverside Ballroom
May 25th - Grand Rapids, MI @ Intersection
May 27th - Kettering, OH @ The Attic Club (early/late shows)
May 28th - Lexington, KY @ Oleika Shriner's Temple
May 29th - Nashville, TN @ Rocketown
May 30th - Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theater
May 31st - Chattanooga, TN @ Club Fathom
|Monday, May 8th, 2006|
it's kind of genius to see marketing being steered away from anything that has to directly with the product, and more about creating art in a wierd way that will get peoples attention whether they give a shit about what is being sold or not.
i love companies for fronting money for this shit to be made:
(pink and red win.) - pink
|Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006|
my new haircut is a secret mohawk.
|Tuesday, January 10th, 2006|
wedding crashers was funny. this isn't news to anyone in the world except for me.
i got a new bike. i'm surprised i broke down and spent a grip of cash on a bike but now i can ride fast and race people. and break my skull open.
the girlfriend went to bed 5 hours ago, and wakes up in four minutes. i decided a while ago to just wait it out so she's happy and/or frustrated when she wakes up and i'm not asleep yet.
revolutions in design work tonight. oh baby. it's going to be sweet. ps if you owe me money for designs still, pay me you fuckerssssss.
new mogwai cd kicks fucking ass.
i haven't been that social lately. maybe it's the season, it seems everyone is being kind of a shut-in more than usual. i promise i'll hang out more soon, and i promise that most of you reading this don't really care anyway.
i can be a good listener.
speaking of kids, could you imagine if i had kids? that would suck. i'd have to grow up and as we all know i'm not very adept at that since i still peek at my christmas presents and eat until i throw up if the food is good enough.
oh yeah that's a good exit.
i'll keep that.